Some nights I go to bed and promise myself that in the morning I am going to get up and go out and get things done. But I often break that promise. There are mornings on my days off that I do nothing but lie in bed. It feels very lazy, and sometimes I feel guilty. But it's also very peaceful. I can hear the day starting all around me. I feel my joints gently throb. Pain isn't always something that makes you suffer. In fact, it can be the only thing that lets you know you are alive when the world is cold and numb. From my bed I can look out the window and see the world go by. It doesn't go by without me, though it can feel it. I'm still a part of it, but today I choice to watch peacefully as I rest so later I can join outside.
People often call me a homebody. However, this is far from true: I really love to be out and about. There are times I dread coming home, wishing I had time for one last adventure. But it would be no fair to my body to overwork it. I need to rest. People don't realise I'm exhausted a good amount of the time and drag, but it doesn't mean I want to stay home. I want to be out experiencing things. Even just watching the world.
I am a lot of the adjectives people use to describe me. I am lazy- after a long day, all I want to do is lie down. It's my want that wins, not my knowledge that I am capable of going on to do more. I am a homebody; if you're home enough, that is what you become. Your desires do not change that. I am very quiet, though I feel like I never shut up: I let people forget me, and even when I call for them I never raise my voice to get their attention. But I know one thing: I am not disconnected. I am just as part of the world when I watch from bed. Taking care of yourself is not isolating yourself. It's being active in your life.